Thursday, August 25, 2011

Crossing Paths: Can I Change My Partner?

Why are people criticized when others think that their plans to ‘change’ a person are bad? Change can be good, if both parties are willing, have the best of intentions, and though sometimes the reasoning may be selfish, for the most part they are purely out of love for the individual, helping them not only to contribute to society by becoming a better person, but contributing and influencing the next generation with their partner as a viable, positive and successful team.

There are several thousand blogs posted daily across cyber space discussing relationships – the whose, whats, wheres and whys of love, staying together, maintaining the relationship and breaking up. Here is my two cents on change.

I’ve heard time and time again that men cannot, and should not be considered a ‘ project’ in a relationship. How about the classic, age old debate that women (or men) marry the other with expectations to change them after the vows have been said, the broom has been jumped, and the relationship has been consummated?

For a variety of reasons that I do respect, I’ve believed for years the old adage that you can’t change a leopard’s spots, or you can take a horse to water but you can’t make him drink. But what is wrong with change, when after bringing the person you love into a relationship, planting a seed to make him or her or better person?

What about religious conversions? There is a scripture in Corinthians in the King James Version of the bible that states that if the wife is saved, eventually her Christian attitude will influence the husband to be saved.

How about weight management? When you are a team of two or more, ‘hanging around’ a person who is more apt to stay away from fast food and prepare healthy meals will not only influence a poor eater with better results, but also weight loss, a better diet and eventually better health.

Any smokers? After years of studies, scholars have proved without a shadow of a doubt that smoking causes lung cancer, emphysema, and other life threatening diseases. A person who truly loves another in a relationship will ultimately voice their opinion as to the dangers of this habit and hopefully convince them to quit before their body takes on tobacco related diseases and other incurable illnesses.

What about Drug abuse, alcoholism, viewing pornography, cheating, lying, addictions to bad or poor social habits? Encouraging someone to return to school to learn a trade? Or suggestions to simply improve their social, speaking and etiquette skills and manners?

The next time you hear a criticizing whisper that someone you know wants to change someone, think deeply about the proposed transition. That change may ultimately save a healthy relationship with their partner and may also save their life.

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